...and here's what this year's tackiest Bridezillas will be wearing:
For the woman who acknowledges that her wedding day is her one chance to strut like a peacock. Actually, this one's kind of interesting (at least it's not blinding white and strapless like most). And there's a certain bit of irony to it: isn't it male birds that generally have the brightest plumage?
Did you know that Disney has a line of wedding apparel? Are you surprised? I certainly hope not, since--as we've been conditioned--we're all supposed to latch onto our chosen "Disney Princess" and emulate her. So, there's a line of gowns for each one of them: Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Belle, Jasmine, Ariel, and Giselle. If anyone out there knows who Giselle is, I'd appreciate knowing, since I don't recognize the name from any classic fairy tale. Is she the one from Hunchback? And if so, why not add a dowager's hump to the dress for authenticity, sort of like a misplaced bustle, or bad 80s shoulder pads?
Alas, though, the folks at Disney have played it straight. Here's what one of the 2009 Giselle gowns looks like:
Mice, rabbits, and squirrels sold separately. Disney assumes no liability for "accidents" that said creatures might have if used as attendants.
Of course, the Disney collection wouldn't be complete without a line of Cinderella gowns:
Here's my question, though: why does Cinderella look so bitchy? I mean, isn't this the moment she's been waiting for all along? Maybe that's why she's mad: she knows it's all downhill from here.
If she wanted to leave a lasting impression, she should have tried this dress:
...which undoubtedly would have permanently burned its image into her guests' retinas.
Since June is the most popular month for weddings, it's all too likely that some brides-to-be will be disappointed to find their chosen church, reception hall, or caterer unable to schedule them on their preferred date. But those brides forced to postpone their nuptials until July needn't worry; that month offers a whole new range of sartorial options.
Hence, we'll end with this grand old bride:
Dear reader, please do not ask what got me started trolling the web for these images. Let's just say that blogging provides the perfect justification for time wasted on Google, and leave it at that.